Boudoir blog for women in Maryland, Virginia & DC who are interested in booking a boudoir photoshoot near them. Products, clients, tips and tricks are a few of the things you’ll find on the Lavish Boudoir Blog.
Aging in the TikTok Filter Era
As a boudoir photographer for more than a decade, I’ve watched women struggle with confidence, with appreciating their own beauty. Particularly women in their 50s have been uncomfortable with the effects of time and gravity. I’m officially 40+, so this is a subject I’m learning more and more about.
So you’re 50+! Maybe you’ve finished raising your children. Maybe you are solidly at the peak of your career. Maybe your marriage is getting some clarification as you’ve grown together or apart. You’ve done it! You’ve accomplished so many goals! But real life takes its toll on your body and skin. Every time you laughed at your baby’s silly giggle, it left its mark. Every time you stayed up late frowning before a big work presentation, it left its mark. Every time you sipped your coffee or kissed your husband, it left its mark. Every time you skipped the gym because you were just too damn tired from real life, it left its mark. Every vacation spent basking in glorious sunshine, it left its mark. Your body and skin is the story of you. Each of these marks is earned and every woman has them and they sneak in little by little.
You pull up TikTok and try out a filter. Ooh… my virtual makeup is flawless! You download an app that lets your tuck the mommy pooch. That seems better. You figure out that blurring your photo means blurring your fine lines and wrinkles. It feels so much better to look at this version of you than the one you see without filters, until it starts to make you feel like the real you just isn’t good enough. The person looking at the photo can’t see your “flaws,” but they also really can’t see you.
Photoshop has been around for decades. Before that, artists would retouch movie stars in the darkroom. But over time… it has evolved from polishing a photo to completely changing a person into an idealistic computer-generated version of beauty.
I photoshop my clients’ photos. I will absolutely admit that. Because no one wants to immortalize the zit that cropped up at the last minute or the bra bulge from a bendy pose. Not in a way that makes that makes them unrecognizable, just in a way that helps them look well-rested and polished. I’m not changing anyone’s bone structure or dropping 40 pounds from her frame. Usually my rule of thumb is to find her most flattering authentic photo and match the retouching to that.
In the last few years, that light polishing isn’t enough for a lot of my 40+ clients. They request drastic changes. They want ultra-smooth skin and a Cindy Crawford body. And I understand why. Women used to only compare themselves to the women in magazines (knowing full well that they’re freaks of nature in the beauty department) and to the peers they saw in person. Then it was comparing themselves to “real” women like Sarah Jessica Parker or Jennifer Lopez who are spending a boat load of money on beauty care or even influencers who would never post an unflattering photo. But now it’s the worst. Women are comparing themselves to a computer generated version of “what I should look like.”
I tried the “bold glamour” TikTok filter that is making huge waves in the media. I’m a fairly confident woman because I see real women every single day who I think are beautiful just the way they are. Mom pooches and all! But even this filter fucked with my head a little. I thought, “Huh… I should really wear heavier makeup with contouring. And maybe some lip filler would actually look good for me.” Then it was like the screeching brakes sound went off in my head. I could pick up some makeup tips for when I really want to dress up and go for a glam look… but I do not want to spend my time contouring my cheeks every day. I do not want to get painful lip injections because I have totally average looking lips. I get Botox for my forehead so I don’t make my angry/concentrating furrowed brow and that hurts badly enough and costs a small fortune.
Part of my Boudoir Bootcamp workbook that goes out to all my clients has an assignment meant to combat this. I did not come up with the idea. The credit goes to my mentor Sue Bryce. Essentially you are required to take a selfie every day for 30 days. No filters. You can choose flattering light. You can put on flattering makeup. But you cannot put a filter on. Just the exposure to seeing your own face over time, will help you learn to at least accept (if not love) the way you look in real life photos. If you’re not booking a boudoir photoshoot, you can get that exercise and 29 more in my 30 Days of Self Love e-book.
I would love to have you in the studio for a photoshoot to show you that you’re more than just a digital version of beauty. You are uniquely beautiful. And if you still want me to photoshop the heck out of your photos… I can do that. But I promise you don’t need it.
The photo below is a self-portrait I took about a year ago. I was loving my wild hair that day. I didn’t have much makeup on, just my Lashify lashes. I didn’t do any of the prep that I guide my clients to do and I couldn’t pose myself as well as I can someone else. It was 100% impromptu. The first image is exactly what it looked like off the memory card. The second is with the light retouching I do for my clients. The third is done to a level you’d see in a filter. Do I look more glamorous in the third photo? Yup. Which photo would I want to capture me? Definitely the second.
Photo 1:
Nothing altered
Photo 2:
slight smoothing of skin
lightened under the eyes
deleted a weird fleck of fuzz
popped a little extra light in my eyes
Photo 3:
major smoothing of skin
made ankles and thigh skinnier
trimmed waist
elongated neck
fluffed and highlighted hair
added eyebrows
enhanced lips + made them pouty
enlarged eyes
made nose tip look skinnier
added fake shadows to forehead and cheeks
fake eye shadow
bronzed skin a touch
added highlighter to cheekbones
“improved” forehead (I don’t really know what that did, but I clicked it)
I’m Leslie, owner and photographer at Lavish Boudoir!
I offer transformational boudoir photoshoots, complete with makeover, to help you feel confident, sexy & comfortable in your own skin.
I’d be honored to have you in my studio.
I won't post your boudoir photos on OnlyFans. Ever.
I’m going to get on my soap box a little bit here. I firmly believe that photos you pay for should not be used for commercial/financial gain by a photographer on OnlyFans or similar websites, even with permission.
The photos you pay for should not be used commercially without compensation.
When a client signs a model release with me, I’m thrilled. It means I get one more uniquely beautiful woman in my portfolio that might be the one you relate to. Admittedly, I also appreciate the privilege of displaying my creative work that I’m proud of. I hope that the clients feel proud of their photos and is eager to show them off.
What it doesn’t mean is that a woman has been transformed from client to an actual model. Models are hired for specific commercial purposes, whether that’s a publication, a project or a for-profit website. It is a joint venture designed to make money for everyone.
Each of my clients hires me to create something beautiful and special for her. The privacy belongs to her.
So when you’re hiring a photographer or signing that model release… please ask about commercial use. If you’re not comfortable with the answer or get a weird vibe… do not sign even if you’re pressured into it. It’s okay to say no to any kind of model release.
I’m Leslie, owner and photographer at Lavish Boudoir!
I offer transformational boudoir photoshoots, complete with makeover, to help you feel confident, sexy & comfortable in your own skin.
I’d be honored to have you in my studio.
Wild vs Mild? Why I keep boudoir classy.
I’ve been in the boudoir business since 2009. So I've seen the trends come and go. In the 90s (before my time) it was feather boas and sky-high hair. In the 2000s, it was all about the Victoria’s Secret lingerie and props. In 2010s, it became more about the beauty of the woman and her confidence. That lent itself to a unique session for each woman. In 2020s it seems to be all about sex. The raunchier, the better.
So, at the risk of dating myself… I continue to create portraits that are timeless and classy. There are photographers for every woman, but I will continue to take photos a woman would call beautiful. I’m not a prude. I’m not afraid of nipples. We just don’t need to bring in nipple clamps and handcuffs to show them off in a tasteful artistic way.
I think that social media feeds from many boudoir photographers make it seem like all sessions have to be about sexuality, kink and pushing the boundaries. So women who just want to feel beautiful and sensual assume boudoir is not for them. Even I haven’t found a photographer for a new shoot for myself because frankly, I’m a 40 year old mom, wife, and business owner… I want to keep my photos looking more magazine and less OnlyFans.
If you’re looking for a genre that borders the line of erotica… I’m not your photographer. But if you want photos that will make you feel like a confident goddess… I can help with that.
Flashback to photos from 2011
I’m Leslie, owner and photographer at Lavish Boudoir!
I offer transformational boudoir photoshoots, complete with makeover, to help you feel confident, sexy & comfortable in your own skin.
I’d be honored to have you in my studio.
Busting a boudoir myth... it's not just for women in relationships.
When I talk about boudoir, people immediately say, “Oh, what a great gift for an anniversary/birthday/wedding/valentines!” Yes, those are often great triggers to finally book the shoot. But what about the women who aren’t in a relationship? What about the women who have a spouse who couldn’t care less about lingerie or sexy photos? What about the women who are healing themselves after a bad relationship?
THE PERSON WHO DESERVES THE GIFT OF BOUDOIR IS YOURSELF.
Part of the reason I have a consultation with a potential client is to get to know the purpose of the photoshoot. Let’s be honest, if you are just doing this for your man, you’re probably looking for minimum effort and cost. You’re looking for a discount and trying to get it over with asap. If you are doing this at least in part for yourself, you want to feel comfortable with the photographer and have confidence that your experience will be uplifting.
I have an amazing husband. I love him so very much. But when I get my boudoir photos… he likes them. But I LOVE them. He would never have suggested I have my dream shoot in Paris because it simply isn’t that important to him. But I wanted an epic session after my second baby to reconnect with the womanly side of myself. Guess who flips through the album more often? Me!
So if you aren’t in a relationship, book the boudoir photoshoot for the woman in the mirror. She deserves the love and attention you’d give to a significant other.
PS: Boudoir is a great way to celebrate a milestone birthday. Turning 40 in Maryland? Me, too! Let’s celebrate with a photoshoot. Trying to feel confident after a breakup? Let’s build you up with a photoshoot. Celebrating a divorce from a toxic relationship? Do the boudoir photoshoot for you and bring your bestie!
I’m Leslie, owner and photographer at Lavish Boudoir!
I offer transformational boudoir photoshoots, complete with makeover, to help you feel confident, sexy & comfortable in your own skin.
I’d be honored to have you in my studio.
What to wear for a boudoir photoshoot
Every woman wants to know what to wear for a boudoir photoshoot. No matter your size or shape, these wardrobe choices will be flattering and comfortable. Of course, you can be as creative as you like, but when you are stuck for ideas… try these.
5 NO FAIL lingerie FOR YOUR BOUDOIR PHOTOSHOOT
Jewel-toned bodysuits look beautiful in bright or dark photos
Black Bra & Panty set (add fishnets for an extra sexy touch or for tummy coverage)
Slouchy sweater/cardigan paired with a cute pair of undies and sentimental jewelry
Shapely slip that hugs the body in all the right places
Nothing but sheets. You are the sexiest part of the session, so go au naturel!
I’m Leslie, owner and photographer at Lavish Boudoir!
I offer transformational boudoir photoshoots, complete with makeover, to help you feel confident, sexy & comfortable in your own skin.
I’d be honored to have you in my studio.
When life gives you curves... flaunt them.
After all these years, I still get women who are convinced that their body isn’t the “right” type for boudoir. Somehow they’re scrolling past all the curvy and plus-size clients and still only seeing the skinny chicks. Well, that’s just not what boudoir is about.
In fact, I’d say that 75% of my clients are a size 10 or larger. I don’t label women by the size, because it’s frankly. none of my business what size they wear except when I’m helping them find the right size in my boudoir closet.
Each woman is posed to emphasize the hourglass… that means your t+a are going to be looking voluptuous and your waist is going to look snatched. No, I’m not going to make you look like a Kardashian or Nicki Minaj. That would require a surgeon.
All of these celebrities to be gorgeous rocking their curves, and none is a size 2.
Ashley Graham
Amy Schumer
Melissa McCarthy
Beyonce
Mindy Kaling
Serena Williams
Oprah
Chrissy Metz
Christina Hendricks
I mean… who among them doesn’t look fabulous on a red carpet? So let’s get you ready with a fabulous makeover, gorgeous wardrobe and the confidence to walk the aisles of Safeway like it’s your own red carpet.
These women who have signed a model release are all rocking their curves
I want to tell you a little story about the woman who is first and last in that gallery. The gorgeous blond with necklaces on. I gave her a session voucher when she said, “I’ve always thought about doing something like that.” She kept booking and canceling, and finally said she’d give it to her sister. She is a single mom who felt like she was not a good enough for boudoir. She didn’t wear makeup, she preferred jeans and loose shirts, and she was so hard on herself.
I convinced her to at least come to the session with her sister for moral support. My makeup artist was ready to go, so I said… let’s just get you in the chair and see what happens. You would have thought I said she was about to have open heart surgery without anesthesia. It was 2015 and I still remember it.
After the glam treatment, she looked in the mirror and asked to take off her lipstick. Because at that point, we were already pushing her way outside of her comfort zone… I said “no.” I can be mean like that.
I got her in front of the camera in the white sheets. I told her that we’d keep it modest and show off her body within her comfort level. So we pushed up the cleavage, tousled the hair and created magic. I showed her the back of the camera and she reluctantly agreed they looked pretty great. It is so hard for some women to speak kindly of themselves.
So I rummaged through the studio closet to find my favorite emerald green corset and convinced her to try it on. Again… so much eye rolling and protesting. But I can out-stubborn anyone.
When she came back to the studio for her reveal… she was mute. I mean completely silent. And she was a nervous talker… so I have to admit I was panicking. Then she turned to me with tears in her eyes and just said, “Oh my god. I can’t believe that’s me.”
She didn’t have the biggest budget as a single mom… but she bought 2 or 3 of her favorites and happily signed a model release because she wanted other women like her to feel brave enough to book a session.
It’s funny, because I can’t really remember her sister clearly after 7 years… but I’ll never forget T.
